Some of you have written to me inquiring about exactly what the changes will be when I eventually achive my stated goal of conquering the world. The world under the Cerio World Order will be an amazing, wonderous place to behold. I'm not talking some Orwellian nightmare, here... I'm talking "Blade Runner" meets Disney, here. On this page, I have outlined exactly what I will have to do to achieve this utopian paradise.
My inner circle: your future oppressors
To begin with, my close friends will be elevated to near god-like status on our small world, and will be assigned the following positions within the Cerio World Order: (names have been changed to protect my future leaders from assasination)
Mr. Renffeh Ffej- Minister of propaganda, slush funds and verbal assasin
Mr. Rerhek Ydna- Minister of special forces and fine chicks
Ms. Edragal Nerual- Minister of accounting and associated rants
Ms. Occas Ytirahc- Minister of fashion and devine inspiration
Mr. Drassuorb Dlanod- Minister of History, Religion, and other such silliness
Ms. Xuahcibor Eigna- Minister of exclusionary complaints
Mr. Ledyeh Divad- Commando and whipping boy
Mr. Noterbel Ognir- Kingfish and bugger-hitter
Ms. Ketsrod Acceber- Minister of all things alabamian (lord knows I don't want the responsibility...)
Ms. Notrab Adnilem- Lesbian advisor
Mr. Niac Leahcim- Minister of the Homeless, Gothic ranger and Whipping boy II
Mr. Rekcur "Deflock Holmes" Trebor- SpyMaster and lipreader extrodinare
Ms. Nosnarb Yecats- Kissing Bandit, and Beer wench
SIC MEMBERS: (don't ask or I will be forced to kill you)
CODENAME Milo: Director of Morality
CODENAME Spock: director of Machinations
so let this be a lesson to all of you unwashed heathen: get to know me now, and your place in the CWO will be assured. Fail to get to know me, and be enslaved with the rest of humanity.
The destiny of the United States
The United States of america will cease to exist in the new order, repaced by the utopian society of America, or USA. The USA military forces will then be called upon to annex the remaining land mass on the planet earth, and the "less mature nations" will have no choice but to fall in line or be destroyed. The new worldwide government will devote all of its energy toward making the earth a utopia, eliminating hunger, disease, and poverty (war will already have been eliminated by this point) I expect this change to take place within 50 years of my rise to leadership of the current (and lesser) U.S.A.
Immediate Reforms
To begin with, there will be strict fines for stupidity. In the area of motor vehicles, each driver will report to the DMV for their special "stupid gun" and magnetic darts. when you see someone doing something stupid, drivers will be encouraged to fire their dart at the offender. when a police officer sees someone driving along with three or four of these attched to his car, he will then pull the offender over and give him a ticket for being stupid.
World Hunger
World hunger will be eliminated once all the hungry people are relocated to where the food is. All those people you see starving in africa live in a desert. Nothing lives there, Nothing can grow there, so of course they're hungry. Instead of sending them aid packages, I will immediately send them U-hauls and luggage.
Wading in The Gene Pool
Upon my rise to power, immediate and far-reaching improvements in the Gene pool will begin. For starters, anyone not passing a certain I.Q. level will be immediately sterilized. This is for the good of the race, and the only real casuality of this policy I can see is that Fraternities and Sororities will become things of the past. Higher I.Q.s will be rewarded with "clone yourself free cards. Also, Beautiful (and intelligent at this point) men and women will be forced to mate exclusively with uglier women and men to make humanity more pleasing to the eye. Lets face it, folks... the world is an ugly place, and getting uglier. We must do something about it now!
As some of you out there have noticed, there is a geometric loss of public transportation as you leave the larger urban areas. this sucks. No one should NEED a car, plus that you need to get the hell off the roads so that I can ride my Despot special to work (a restored 73 Coupe DeVille) So, upon reaching my status as dictator most high, I will immediately institute bus routes on every street, road, and dirt road in the world. it will be possible to get on a subway that goes directly from New York to New Orleans, so that more people can enjoy Mardi Gras. The New Orleans RTA however, will be completely dismantled and burned. (they pissed me off last week. Why are bus drivers allowed to stop at wendys and get a cheeseburger while a busload of students late for a final sits and waits for them? ARRRGH!)
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